Those Who Forget History….

A Forever Knight story by Christine Elaine Hantzopulos (erika1228@yahoo.com) based on the characters created by James Parriot.

(Time: shortly after the episode "Dead of Night")

It had been too good to be true.

Natalie cursed herself silently for even allowing herself to hope that things would change. Nick never would. He would always be that stubborn, guilt-ridden, exasperating…

…man she loved.

She sighed, lightly touching the petals on the red roses he had sent her just last week. No matter how angry he made her, he always had a way of melting her resolve with those small acts of tenderness, the cool touch of his hand on her cheek, the romantic words whispered in her ear, the soft but passionate kisses…

She grew flushed just at the thought of him.

Things had seemed to change between them. Ever since LaCroix's vow that he would not interfere in their relationship, the hope that had been so tragically vanquished that night two years ago had begun to flourish once more. The emotions that they had suppressed were now free to run their course. Nick had openly become more affectionate with her, more possessive even, as if to leave no doubt in anyone's mind that the rumors had been true all along. The detective and the coroner were very much in love.

They'd admitted as much in private, spending long nights in each other's arms, healing the wounds of that Valentine's Day. Though it still hurt her that he had tried to make her forget, she had forgiven him, understanding that it was fear for her life that had made him pull away. Nick knew now that it had been a mistake, and he'd sworn never to distance himself from her again. It had been a new beginning for them, and Natalie had been happier than she'd ever been as Nick had done everything in his power to make up for the pain he had caused her throughout the course of their relationship. And with renewed hope in their future, he'd abstained from blood, pushing his will power to the limits as the intimacy between them blossomed…

Then, the case of the Kessel House had shaken their lives. She'd told Nick about her grandmother, and the emotional scars of her childhood. Yet all that he had done was dismiss his ghost as a woman he had loved and lost…

Natalie had fought her curiosity, attempting to be nonchalant. But as the days went by, she'd begun to realize that whatever Nick had experienced had affected him deeply. Yet rather than confide in her, he had done the worst thing he possibly could.

He'd put up that wall again. And as each day seemed to increase the distance between them, Natalie felt as if she had been rudely awakened from a beautiful dream.

How many times would he do this to her?

She nearly jumped as the phone rang, rousing her from her thoughts. She hated the fact that her heart was pounding with the anxiety of wondering if it were him….

"Hi, Nat, it's me."

Relief flooded her to hear his voice, but she nearly held her breath waiting to hear what he would say. "Hi. I thought you were working tonight," she managed.

"I called in."

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked with concern.

"Yeah, I just…needed a break. I was, uh, wondering, if you were busy."

Making herself sick thinking about him didn't count. "No, just hanging out, looking for a good movie on cable."

He paused, as if getting up the nerve, then asked, "Mind if I join you?"

She smiled, trying not to belie just how much she wanted him there. "Come on over."

That little spark of hope filled her heart once more, and for the first time that night, she let it burn.

He must have flown.

She'd barely changed and freshened up her makeup when he rang her bell.

He stood before her with an uncertain look on his face, as if he weren't sure he should be there. "Nat, I hope you don't mind, but I just really needed to be with you."

His words were like a balm, and as he held out his arms she fell into them gladly. He held her for a long moment, hugging her tightly as if afraid to let go. When he finally released her, he looked into her eyes, then took her face in his hands, kissing her hungrily.

It was the first time in days, but it seemed like it had been years. She felt as if she would cry from relief, but just kissed him deeply instead, her previous anxiety washing away….

When he finally released her, he looked into her eyes with all the love she had ever seen there…but suddenly a veil of sadness seemed to descend over him. "Oh, Nat…" he said softly. "I've wanted to do that for days--"

"What's wrong, Nick? I won't let you out of it this time. You have to tell me," she pressed, his display of affection giving her the nerve to do so.

He led her to the couch, and they sat down facing each other. He was holding her hands in his, caressing them, and suddenly she felt her heart begin to pound as he said with difficulty, "We have…to talk."

He had sensed the change in her heartbeat at once, and must have realized he was frightening her, for he reached up to caress her hair, and said, "Natalie, I love you. Nothing I'm about to tell you will change that. There's just something I need you to know…before we let this go any further…"

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "Does this have something to do with what happened at Kessel House?"

His face registered his surprise.

"I thought so," she said. "Ever since that whole thing you've acted differently with me. Almost as if you were avoiding me."

"I'm sorry," he said guiltily. "I know I promised never to pull away from you again…But I suppose my experience there shook me up more than I realized at first."

"Who did you see, Nick?" she asked boldly, though not quite sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

He paused, the words apparently difficult. "Her name was Alyssa. She was…my wife."

Natalie felt her heart go to her throat. This was the last thing she had expected. Of all that Nick had confided in her, never had he given any indication that he had been married. "Go on," she managed, barely breathing.

"It was about four hundred years ago. I only knew her for a short time. But I loved her enough to want to marry her." He paused, as if knowing how deeply this was cutting into her heart. "I wanted to bring her across."

His last words were the true salt in the wound. Hadn't he told her in no uncertain terms that he would never bring her across? That he loved her too much…?

"I know what you're thinking, Natalie," he said, as if reading her emotions. "But listen to me. It was the first time I ever tried, without LaCroix there to guide me…" He hesitated, then said with meaning, "…to stop me in time."

Understanding flooded her. "You took too much," she said softly.

He nodded guiltily. "It was our wedding night. We hadn't even--" He stopped, the memory too painful. He looked into her eyes. "Do you see now why it's been so hard for me to be with you these last few days?"

Unfortunately, she did see. "I guess…it's hard to be with someone when you're still in love with someone else." She had meant to say it matter-of-factly, but her hurt was impossible to hide. She cursed herself for letting her jealousy through. How could she possibly feel this way when the woman had been dead for four hundred years?

But Nick immediately brought his hand to her cheek, shaking his head as he said, "No, Natalie, that's not it at all. I did love her once. But what you and I have together is stronger than anything I've ever shared with another woman. I know it sounds like a cliché, but you know me, my heart, and my soul--if I still have one--better than anyone ever has. I could never love anyone as I do you."

She wanted to believe that so! Yet she still didn't see how memories of Alyssa had kept him from her…

"Natalie, do you remember when you asked me to bring you across?"

How could she forget? The end of he world appeared to be imminent, and yet he'd refused to give her a chance to live.

"You thought that because I wouldn't, it meant that I didn't love you," he said, reading her doubts. "But that wasn't it at all."

"You said you wouldn't condemn me to being what you were," she said softly, remembering.

"And that was true. That still is. But there was another reason I couldn't tell you…because I was so ashamed of what I had done to Alyssa."

"But you've brought others across," she reminded him, seeing where he was going. She didn't even want to mention that one had been her brother. The guilt of that mistake still haunted them both.

"Natalie, I drained Alyssa because I loved her," he admitted with difficulty. "I couldn’t stop myself." He caressed her cheek, his fingers lightly falling to her neck. "If I ever tasted your blood, Natalie," he said, a tremor in his voice, "I know that it would be impossible for me to stop."

"Oh, Nick," she sighed, fully understanding now.

There were blood tears in his eyes as he whispered, "That's why I'm so afraid to be with you. Because just as I know how exquisite it would be to make love to you, I know that your blood would be just as precious to me. And if I took your life, Nat…" He couldn't even finish, the thought too horrifying to him. He pulled her close, holding her tightly. "I couldn't go on…" he finished in a voice cracked with emotion.

For a long moment they held each other, Nick as if afraid to let go, and Natalie too moved to speak. At last she understood what lay behind his refusal to bring her across that time, and his continuing lack of trust in his own control. She had always tried to convince him not to fear their intimacy, trusting him completely because she'd known how he felt about her. But it was precisely the depth of his feelings for her that made it so difficult for him. Understanding that now, she also knew not only why he had been so quick to bring others across, but why his many flirtations with other women had been easier for him to handle than his relationship with her. For once, as he hugged her close to him, kissing her as deeply as she knew he dared, she did not doubt his love.

"So what do you want to do about us?" she asked finally, as they came up for air.

"What I want," he said sadly, but with eyes filled with desire, "isn't something I can have right now."

"Maybe not right now," she told him, a twinkle in her eye that her new optimism had put there. "But maybe in time, with a little work and patience…and a few more protein shakes," she teased.

He smiled wistfully. "Are you really willing to take a chance with me? Even after what you know now?"

"Nick, I still love you…and trust you," she was sure to add. "We will be together. Somehow. Someday. I know it."

He took her face in his hands, his face filled with his own incredulity that she could still love and trust him no matter what. And as he brought his mouth to hers once more, Natalie knew that slowly but surely, she would give him the same faith as she had that they could really be One.

Someday.

The End